Sunday, May 2, 2010

Jane, The Real Story

the jane, originally uploaded by jamieshelman.
We almost flipped when we saw the article about The Jane Hotel on the front page of the NY Times yesterday after just having stayed there last week. Our experience was more garlicky than the Times rose garden view. Every time we went to the bathroom there was some bald short stoney faced Ukranian assassin in a shorty hotel issued robe, think butt cheek high, will he off me or brush his teeth? It wasn't very pleasant, I don't care what anybody says. Every venture into the hallway met with some sordid interaction with a lowercase practitioner of the human race. Then there was the 4 am African American call girl with a too short tight skirt and Jimmy Choo heels. Be aware there are people spending the last of their lifetimes here, the twilight of their lifetimes. Our across the hall  neighbor appeared to be a "lifer " who kept his door ajar at night with the radio on low and apparently blowing the smoke from multiple packs of lucky strikes out the open backside window. Our hastened exits to the restrooms/showers at the end of the hall appeared to lure him from his hole as he seemed to show in the restroom quite often at the same time we did, was this timing or just fate? The West side highway nearby (we could see it from our window) without ear plugs sounded like the back straight of Monza, Indianapolis, or the Nurburg Ring... (take your pick), 2 ounces of firmly pressed silicon, almost touched my brain, crammed hard into my ear, only served to slightly muffle the din. After 3 nights of not sleeping, sweaty tossing and turning, and the lysergic acid-like trips down the dimly lit hallways followed by "the lifer" and Russian hit men, had us feeling like we were in a B grade Euro movie. The free hotel issued flip flops immediately broke from my feet while all of the greedy floor bound fungi loudly applauded, while rushing towards the crevices of my toes. However, we did receive free amazingly functional toothbrushes with accompanying micro-tubes of Marvis toothpaste (deluxe!) after ours were stolen from the camp shower. Size can be an issue when considering your survival at the Jane or at least the possession of some training in disarming a bald Ukranian assassin. I had nightmares of being stabbed in the jugular vein with my recently stolen brightly colored toothbrush. Being trendy in a war zone doesn't always work. Check in/out was incredibly efficient and the price is unbeatable $89/night just bring your horror filter. Their slogan "The Jane: For a night or a lifetime" made us muse that our 3 nights felt like a lifetime. Will we go back, you know what, probably, the price is right and the adventures provided great material for our new journeys into the written presentation of sketch New York.

"shower scene"

1 comment:

vivienne strauss said...

The story: priceless :D I probably would have loved an adventure like that in my 20's or 30's, now in my 40's a good night's sleep is more important.