Monday, March 14, 2011

Satan drives a Honda Acura, do you?

Just attempted a pleasant drive in the country and we're reminded why we never leave the house, or rather why we choose to walk everywhere we can. As we were peacefully motoring down an idyllic country lane a shade over the speed limit, not much, a possessed red faced scary thing with silver white hair and badger thick sunglasses (I imagine it's the glaucoma), came quickly towards our innocent rear bumper as if sent on a firey mission from Hell, and with eyes that could not be seen lest they burn a hole through the back of your head, impelled us to give way. The car being driven by this demonic bastard son of Satan was of course a Honda Acura, need I say more, H as in Hell A as in Asshole, Honda Acura. It seems that all of Satan's emissaries implanted here on this blue and green sphere are appointed their own POS, Piece Of Shit, car from that wonderful land that seems to produce such souless works of bots. Oh that our wonderful little yellow charmer could be mounted with 20 caliber cannons so that I could send these demon beast bastards back to the hell fires that they came from. Picture grey souless piece of tuna can in a ball of fire screaming mindlessly through a newly plowed field of corn soon to reconnect with the guardian of that fire pit that sent it here. All that could be found post blaze would be the undoubtedly flame proof badger sunglasses and shreds of that snowy white tupee that was fitted on it's head.

But wait wait, there would be so many to send homeward that I would have to constantly reload as post grey haired demon a new dark haired and firey female with male characteristic appeared in our mirror ready to challenge us this time in white but with the same tuna can H as in Hell A as in Asshole vehicle seated beneath it's buttocks. Could one ever hope to have enough ammunition to drive these progenitors of his Majesty of Darknesses duties here on Earth back to the fire storm from which they came.

Satan drives an Acura, do you?


cindy said...

no, although we do drive a Honda Accord, but not like we're satan or assholes escaping hell, girl! i'm thinking of making a bumper sticker that says something like - if you toot us we'll drive slower!

hmstrjam said...

haha! Just assume all mushroom clouds on the horizon are another a-hole sent back by the guardian of all things good :D

Brittany said...

While I don't drive an Acura (whew!) your post did remind me that I always wish I had a bike-mounted paintball gun to take care of those people who stop at stop signs half a cars' length through (making me think they're going to hit me), the cars who drive reallyclose to me, pedestrians who see me coming and still choose to step in front of me, etc. Oh, wishful thinking! Just a couple paintballs would do the trick! Then they'd have splots of shame on them.

Bethany Hissong said...

My old boyfriend drove a Honda Accord and I think he's one of them!